Where am I at

... with RHS ???  Well, not much further than I was before.  Everyday I have new  hope only to be dashed once again.  When I read other people's blogs with the information of where they are at with their adoption I keep thinking; why can't that be me?  I want to help out.  I want to pluck one child and give it a chance at life that it deserves.  Among other suggestions regardin RHS (reluctant husband syndrome) I read about patience and don't nag.  Are you kidding?  Do you know how hard it is to be patient and not to nag?  All I want to do is nag, nag, nag even though in the back of my mind I know that most likely that's only pushing him further away.  Then I read Summer's blog on Lucky to Love Lyla.  I can just feel her excitement and happiness running through me.  She will give another child a family.  Reading it makes me both happy and miserable at the same time.  I want to be in her place but I can't.  I am where I am.  I just don't know what to do about it.  Do I accept and let it go or do I keep holding on, hoping and praying that he will change his mind??  What am I suppose to do when I can't forget these little faces, I can't turn away, I can't pretend anymore that they don't exist??