Regarding Marissa

Marissa is a little girl who caught my attention with her big blue eyes and a  beautiful smile.  She has captivated me so that I started contemplating adoption at this stage of my life. My husband and my grown children wondered what was going on with me but my older daughter understood.  At first she wanted to adopt Marissa but when that looked impossible I was willing to step up.  In the meantime looking at her picture and video she captured my heart so much so I began to think that fate had decided I was to be her mom and she my baby.  Because I'd just turned fifty and my kids are grown though still at home it was a decision I could not make overnight.  My husband and I had just been first time grandparents for three months when Marissa came along and found me discovering Reece's Rainbow.  She came through my life like a strong gust of wind making me certain that she belonged here.  My husband though was not as sure as I was.  He thought with his head while I thought with my heart.  While we talked it over and when I finally sent in a letter reqesting the first step in adopting Marissa I found out she had just been spoken for, probably soon after I saw her picture for the first time in August at which point she was still waiting for her forever family.  The information was bitter-sweet.  It was wonderful that Marissa got the family she always wanted but that family wasn't mine.  Her mom would not be me.  I will not travel to Russia and scoop my baby and bring her home where she  belonged.  Will I still look at her pictures?  Yes.  Will I ever forget her?  No.   Her blue eyes and her smile will forever stay in my heart and I wish her the best life she could possibly have.