Adoption: A Journey of Faith

People who have adopted or are on their way to adopting all talk about how they were Called to do this selfless thing.  Most, not all but most will say it was a calling put before them by Jesus or God and they have no choice but to follow this path no matter how difficult it may be.  The good Lord will provide for them to do so or equip those not equipped.  I must say that I have fallen out of my faith.  Somehow somewhere I have lost the belief that the Lord will always provide courage and strength for me when things get tough.  I wouldn't say I had it really tough in life, comparing to some but I had a trying time or two when I felt left out in the cold by God.  So, when the situation of orphans of the world was put before me, a friend of mine said it is God speaking to me.  Or is it a matter of I am I listening again.  Certainly, the faces of orphans were made real to me by RR, before that it was just a word, I knew they were there and they always will be there but now suddenly I am giving it a second thought.  I am learning more about the situation and am appalled at just how big the situation is and how awful in some places.  I am moved to do something, thinking what if each one of us opens our home and our hearts to just one of these children could we possibly do away with this situation, could there be a bright future for all of these children after the four walls of the orphanage?

More and more I'm thinking this is not just a physical journey of collecting papers and travelling to EE, it's so much more of an emotional journey and a journey of Faith.  Could this be done? What even makes me think that I could do this or that I would be good enough to deserve the blessing of another child when I already have children who are grown?  Is God really calling me to do this?  Am I returning to my faith, to the belief that I can do anything with the Lord by my side?

Which brings me to, what happens when only one is called?  As you know my husband is very much a work in progress.  He does not feel called and he sees no path back to his faith.  He has gone along with me for some part of this journey and we are registered for the adoption training program.  He says he will keep an open mind but I'm thinking this is more so that I can see the reasons why we cannot do this.  He feels there are many other more productive ways to help. So, why would God do this to us?  Why would he call one but not the other?  Is it to divide us for some reason or is it to test us in some way?  We've had a good marriage.  There's been no drinking, no drugs, no abuse and no cheating (as far as I know, lol) so why the test?  Is it a test of our marriage or our  faith or both?

I wish there was a clear cut answer to my questions but so far there are not.  The only thing I know is that I am determined to help one little child who has not been as lucky as my children have; one child who longs for love and the security of a home. More and more I'm thinking that adoption in many ways is really a journey of faith; of belief that with God by my side I can do anything and that my husband will see the goodness in adoption and even the child who waits and waits and waits must have faith that one day love will come.