30 Years This Tuesday

This week we celebrate our 30the Wedding Anniversary.  Yes, we’ve been married thirty years and in that time successfully raised three children.  That whole time we were watching them grow up and making sure they have everything they need to learn to be adults themselves and now they are.  Our job is done or so I thought and so my DH still thinks.  We are done. So how is it that if one is called to help an orphan/adopt that the calling comes after you think you were done raising children?  Why is it for some people it’s before they even start a family, or during raising a family and for some it’s after?  Yes, I know the plan is his, not ours. I try telling to my DH but it’s not sticking.  I told him it has nothing to do with us or what we want, or feel or think. The plan is his. Still he is doubtful. I can’t help that thinking that there is a lesson to be learned here in some way. I wish I knew what it was. What is it exactly I am fighting for? Is there a child really meant for us or is it something even greater than that?  But what can be greater than the gift of a life for both child and us?

Though I’m firmly on this road I’m still so full of questions.  I wish the questions were answered all at once … now but I have to be patient and surely I’m learning to be patient much more than I ever have before.  At times my nerves are raw and the slightest bit upsets me but that too I need to learn to control, take a deep breath and go on.  Is this what it was like for Jesus Christ when he was on the cross for us who took a deep heavy breath with each fall so he can go on.  Someone wrote in a Yahoo group, adoption is not for the faint of heart; no it’s not but you can certainly learn from it, you can find strengths in you that you never knew you had, strengths that are dug up and brought to the surface and you realize these are the values that make you who you are, who you’ve always been; in my case perhaps, a good mom.