Lingering Hope

Dossier, mostly complete was sent to the agency today to arrive tomorrow. At this point this really means nothing until we receive the approval from the Ministry but should we get it we're a step ahead. Basically the only thing that's left to write out is the Letter of Intent which seems a little intimidating to me. The agency did give me pointers so it's a matter of starting it but not sure how much I can complete it when I have to talk about the child's special need and as you know there is no child yet. So, I will write a general letter just to get something down on paper and have a starting point. I thought the Dossier would be a lot harder to compile than it was. It was easy actually, just follow steps and collect documents from one to the next and the next.

I was looking at an updated photo of little Rosie, of course, she has a different name now with her new agency but her update still does not say her true SN. Mostly hydrocephalus alone does not cause the child to be immobile all she does is lay on her back, she cannot roll over, sit or crawl. Though my heart breaks for her at our age I'm not sure if we can handle a child with life long care. I mean, I have to be realistic. What happens to her once we're gone?

There is always that small chance that with treatment she may improve and start to move and crawl and walk one day but right now she's had no treatment and the damage may be done for good. I want to believe so bad that with tender loving care and medical intervention she will become mobile but what if she doesn't. What also makes me believe that she can get better is because she looks malnourished.  Almost three years old and only nineteen pounds with tiny measurements. The last photos I saw of her showed a glint of hope still linger in her eyes that there might be a better tomorrow for her, that her parents are out there somewhere and they are coming but this updated photo only shows a hardened belief that no one is coming. I pray and hope to receive a sign that tells me if to wait for the agency to match us with a child they feel is right for us or do I fight for this one.

 Wow, I was sitting here wondering why I would chose this picture and doesn't the cloud on bottom right look a lot like the shape of China??!!