Merry Little Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone and anyone who happens to come by; I know not too many, still I wish you all the best.  It is not a white Christmas for us however our family is together and that is all that counts.  We had a good time talking and laughing over dinner and opening our presents.  While my children and grandson are surrounded by their gifts in abundance I think about all those little ones who will get nothing but another night in their crib; some cold and wet and alone. Do  they even know it's Christmas? Probably not.  I wish we could somehow help them all, let them know we care but as it is they will never know.

If We Go Tomorrow

My daughter and I already got our fingerprint results back and my son just went to get them done today.  We still need some police report but it's the holidays and they may not come back until after holidays are done.  I know we picked a bad time but still as long as things are moving forward is all that counts.  I am checking into different countries as well to see what the options are and what their requirements are.  It seems each country has little bit different needs and requirements, while some are concerned with the family income others are more concerned with their health and age etc.  Now, amongst all this I have to worry about the end of the world tomorrow.  I don't know how many times we've had the world ending and yet it is still here.  If we do go I take comfort in our family being all together and probably that's all that counts.  I lived long enough to see a grandchild.  It would be a shame if he never got to grow up but at least he's seen some of the world and he was loved, oh so loved and treasured by all of us which is so opposite of some of the kids at the orphanages who may never experience true love of a family.  My heart goes out to each and every one of them tonight.  Here's to tomorrow, may the sun rise again.

The Promise

After talking with our social worker this week she told me I would have to get my fingerprints done even though they told me at the police station that I didn't even though they knew it was for adoption.  I knew something was not right with that so now I wasted time and still have to get it done but I found out I can also get it done at a private place who is acredited with the RCMP; it didn't have to be at the police station and there are many private places.  I had no idea; it's not like I ever had to get fingerprints done before.  Not only that, everyone in the house also has to get it done.  Good thing our niece who was staying with us has found her own place and moved out on Dec. 1st.  My oldest daughter and her fiance and their baby also found an apartment and will be moving out on Jan. 8th so since the home study will not resume until a week after that they will not have to have fingerprints done.  Though I hate to see my little grandson go I know that my daughter is eager to start a life of her own.  She is twenty six and her little family need some privacy to do their own thing and not have us look over their shoulder all the time.  We know that we need to stay away so they can learn to be parents but it's hard not to spoil the little one.

Getting back to the private fingerprinting places, they charge a little bit more but they get it done a lot faster as they use digital printing; should get results back in a few days instead of a few weeks so at least that will save us some time.  So, that leaves my other daughter and son who were not so keen on adding another child to the family.  They were not ready to get their fingerprints done either however after a few days of talking they have agreed to do it.  It somehow meant so much to me; seems almost like mountains are moving.  When they say God doesn't call us to do the easy things it's so true.  I just hope they go through on their promise.

Eagerly Awaiting

OK some things have cleared up.  That’s good news and bad news at the same time and some of you know what that feels like.  You’d like to be happy but you can’t be.  First my wonderful dear husband has agreed to go proceed with the home study and after its completion we will review the situation.  I was uncertain about that at first but then decided that I will have to go with it.  It is not easy for our male counterparts to admit that they would have more kids after they thought they were done.  Seeing and hearing about the orphan situation of the world makes our maternal instinct kick in but the males, they can sit back and watch the world go by.  That is not to say that once they are committed they are not just as driven and fierce about their little cubs as us females; they can be equal if not greater than us but it is slow coming for some. 

On the other hand I just heard eight year old Leah seems to have a family working on documents for adoption.  I’m presuming it’s in her own country since I don’t know of any agency who works in her region. I’ve sent her one last gift for Christmas and they thanked me for looking after her this year.  Well, the pleasure was mine as well.  Of course I wish her nothing but the best with her family.  As well I heard back about Lilly and her region.  Though the agency has worked there in the past they tell me there is no activity in this region now and no international adoptions are happening; if that’s from their end or ours I’m not sure but unfortunately it’s a no go.  That’s the thing with regions, they can be fickle, you never know how they are going to react.  I’m sad to say that at least for now these roads are closed to me.  It doesn’t mean that others won’t open.

We will push forth to complete the home study and be provincially approved and then I’m certain things will fall into place as they should. Two other children have caught my eye but at the moment they are not available to me either.  Maybe this is telling me something.  Maybe I should not be adopting or again and again and again I have to be patient for the right things to happen at the right time.  There’s been a more than a few instances where a family commits to a child only for some unforeseen obstacle to stop it but the situation always leads them to the child they are meant for and there’s been no regrets only certainty that this was how it was meant to happen.  God has a plan that is not always clear to us at first and there is something to be learned with each road travelled.

So, I sit here eagerly awaiting January 15^th so we can move on in this journey.  We may not complete it for another few months but when it is, it will be just the way it was meant to be.  After all he is at the helm and we are here to follow.

Love Them All

No news is good news, right? Not in this case.  I wish I had some news but at this time I don't. I'm stuck with the home study.  It's going neither forward nor back.  I'm still hoping to to complete it in the new year so that if a child does become available we are ready.  Right now we don't even have a child.  I can only look at certain regions, not all but how do you chose.  It seems next to impossible, so many children who need homes.  Wouldn't we just like to take them all in, love them all?

I'm happy to see little Carmen and Archie have families coming for them.  I hope they get there soon.  I wish I heard something from the agency about Lilly but I did not.  I'm afraid to ask again in case it's bad news.  Besides, I can't fall in love with any child because I'm still on shaky ground but I do wonder about some children; how they're doing?  Do they get attention they deserve?  I like seeing the little smiling faces which makes me think that hopefully they are getting some loving from their caregivers and I'm thankful for that.

Are They Asked

When it slows it slows.  Right now things are slow.  There's nothing new to report.  I'm just biding my time.  Christmas season is around the corner and I need to keep my perspective but I can't help but think about all those little kiddos who might not even know that Santa is coming.  Or they might never get a chance to write a list, or look through the ads for the toys they really wanted.  They might never be asked what their little heart desires.  And then we look at our kids and see that they have so much, they get too much. How is it fair?  It's not fair but it is the way it is.  Still we can do something about it.  I will send some gifts to  a child in the orphanage I visited this summer and to L of course.  So my kids will get two presents less.  Will they miss it?  I would say they won't even notice; they already have everything they want and need; a loving family and for that we are all thankful.

Next

Not too much is going on at the moment and I don't know if anything else will happen this month or the next.  As much as I wanted to complete the home study it is only by grace of God that it will happen before this year ends.  It may be the right time, in the new year, new beginnings.  I do check on the children on RR and pray for them every day.  I've not heard anything more on the file of Lilly or had any news on Leah.  These beautiful little girls deserve so much; a family and love, lots of it but will they ever get it and if so when?  When will it be their turn?  God willing, I hope that soon they will be next in line.

Training Time

Done.  The adoption training is complete, certificate is in hand.  It was a gruiling two days but at the end  there was a number of speakers; parents with kids Internationally adopted and domestically adopted.  It was very interesting to hear their stories and experiences.  One of them brought over a five year old boy last year and he's not having any trouble adjusting and when he walked out of that orphanage he was very ready to go with his parents, he never even looked back. 

I read that as of September of this year for adopting from Russia more training will be required, training that is to be provided by the agency and hopefully is all online.  We're not there yet.  We will have to complete our home study before anything else because if we cannot go through with it nothing else will happen.  Time will be of the essence.

LILLY - special little girl

Just waiting to get the second part of the adoption trainig done so that we have this part under our belts.  There are so many steps to adoption that it's a miracle anyone gets it all done and some of you in record time.  If it were up to me the home study and the training would've been done by last Christmas  as it is I will be so very lucky if it was done by this Christmas.  One can only hope.  Right now I just want to get through Saturday and Sunday without any hiccups.  I will close my eyes and pray that my hubby is as understanding as he was the last time.

In the meantime I received a letter from the volunteer in EE who told me that little L. may be going to Moscow in the winter for medical examinations.  This what I have been working for all this time but with that comes the next hurdle; Moscow Ministry agreeing to work on her file and report back to L's region.  That is still all up in the air, I have no proof of anything right now.  L is doing good otherwise but I see from her orphanage website most of her friends there have been placed in families and she has not.  I wonder how it must feel for one orphan to watch her friends leave with a mom and dad, one after the other but not them.  It must be devestating, I'm heartsick just thinking about it.

Lilly's grant is reaching ten thousand and that is wonderful news.  I'm so happy for her.  She is one special little girl who wasn't suppose to live but she did and she deserves a family more than ever.  It really is her turn.  Lily may be somewhere in the back of an orphanage in the laying down room due to heart condition which she was born with.  She could be a very sick little girl.  Little is known about her; if she had any surgery or not to help her live a more fuller life.  Does she ever get out and play in the courtyard?  It's hard to tell but more than likely chances of that are slim. 

I am praying for her as are Rachel and Sarah over at " Handiwork for Lilly ", who are doing great things to benefit this little girl and some other orphans around the world.  I congratulate them on being so wonderfully dedicated to their cause to bring awarness to the plight of orphans.

               Please pray for Lilly and advocate for Lilly and Donate to Lilly so her Family can find her ASAP.

                                                           She has waited long enough !!
                                                       
                                                             Lilly needs a Family now.

Adoption Training

The adoption training weekend went good.  No major disasters.  Two days down, two to go.  We got a lot of information and many questions answered.  Hubby even participated, looked interested, keyword being looked.  He did make comments and posed questions; says he was helping the other people.  There were about ten other couples, one single female and two same sex couples, males.  They seem to be having trouble being considered.  For domestic adoption the  children's aid society is looking for mixed race couples so many of us do not qualify.  This is how then people turn to International adoption.  Right now most of them are looking to do domestic private adoption and a couple of them are very specific about the sex of the child.  One of the instructors adopted a boy from EE and would do it again.  We got a thick binder with a lot of reading material and homework to do.  I didn't know there was that much information to be had.  Looking forward to completing this.

Precious Child

I sit here and wonder what this weekend will be like.  Two days this weekend of adoption training and two days in two weeks.  Are we going to hear horror stories about adoption, about the detachment problems, the meltdowns, the institution/orphanage habits.  I know it won't be a bed of roses but I'm sure there are many wonderful moments with your new child.  I can see it when I read the stories across the web, the smiles, the hugs and sheer happiness of both parents and child.  There must be trying times; life would not be life without those times.  It's the happy times and the trying times that solidify your relationship with the child.

I have not heard anything more about Lilly.  I just hope that someone holds that precious girl close to their heartonce in a while.  And my sweet Leah remains unreachable.  I have exhausted all avenue s and I've tried many. 

As for the training, it starts on Saturday at 9 am sharp. Will it change anythihg or will it be a complete disaster, that is yet to be seen.

Giving Thanks

Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up this weekend; inviting family and friends; having  a big dinner.  Over the years the dinners have become largers as we have more than our fill of meat, salads and desserts.  This year I think a little of those who don't have as much if anything at all.  If it's Thanksgiving or their Birthday it's just another day at the orphanage, day in and day out, all the same.  No special treats, no baloons or birthday cake. I've seen some orphanges have started to celebrate a child's birthday but I wonder if it will last, as  children come and go, moving on as they get older from their baby house to the Internat or grown up institutions where their days will become gray.  I await patiently another week and a half to go by until our adoption training course.  What will we find out? Will it be the end of this journey?  Or just the beginning?

Here is a little one who keeps me on my toes as he nears seventeen months and shows sure signs that soon he will enter an age of bliss for him and panic for us, 2.  He is gearing up pretty nicely but I love him so much and would not trade the T2s for anything.

Adoption: A Journey of Faith

People who have adopted or are on their way to adopting all talk about how they were Called to do this selfless thing.  Most, not all but most will say it was a calling put before them by Jesus or God and they have no choice but to follow this path no matter how difficult it may be.  The good Lord will provide for them to do so or equip those not equipped.  I must say that I have fallen out of my faith.  Somehow somewhere I have lost the belief that the Lord will always provide courage and strength for me when things get tough.  I wouldn't say I had it really tough in life, comparing to some but I had a trying time or two when I felt left out in the cold by God.  So, when the situation of orphans of the world was put before me, a friend of mine said it is God speaking to me.  Or is it a matter of I am I listening again.  Certainly, the faces of orphans were made real to me by RR, before that it was just a word, I knew they were there and they always will be there but now suddenly I am giving it a second thought.  I am learning more about the situation and am appalled at just how big the situation is and how awful in some places.  I am moved to do something, thinking what if each one of us opens our home and our hearts to just one of these children could we possibly do away with this situation, could there be a bright future for all of these children after the four walls of the orphanage?

More and more I'm thinking this is not just a physical journey of collecting papers and travelling to EE, it's so much more of an emotional journey and a journey of Faith.  Could this be done? What even makes me think that I could do this or that I would be good enough to deserve the blessing of another child when I already have children who are grown?  Is God really calling me to do this?  Am I returning to my faith, to the belief that I can do anything with the Lord by my side?

Which brings me to, what happens when only one is called?  As you know my husband is very much a work in progress.  He does not feel called and he sees no path back to his faith.  He has gone along with me for some part of this journey and we are registered for the adoption training program.  He says he will keep an open mind but I'm thinking this is more so that I can see the reasons why we cannot do this.  He feels there are many other more productive ways to help. So, why would God do this to us?  Why would he call one but not the other?  Is it to divide us for some reason or is it to test us in some way?  We've had a good marriage.  There's been no drinking, no drugs, no abuse and no cheating (as far as I know, lol) so why the test?  Is it a test of our marriage or our  faith or both?

I wish there was a clear cut answer to my questions but so far there are not.  The only thing I know is that I am determined to help one little child who has not been as lucky as my children have; one child who longs for love and the security of a home. More and more I'm thinking that adoption in many ways is really a journey of faith; of belief that with God by my side I can do anything and that my husband will see the goodness in adoption and even the child who waits and waits and waits must have faith that one day love will come.

 

 

Amazing

As I’ve been looking through the agencies here through the last year, none of them showed on their websites or in their annual reports as they call them, to be covering Lilly’s region but one of them apparently used to.  I contacted that agency and asked if they still do and the answer was ... yes.  Yes, they do still work in that region.  Wow.  So, the door here is open, I woulnd't say wide open but it's open a crack.  Now, it’s a matter of getting the right file.  Can they get "her" file?  All I can do at this point is ask if they will request her file to see if it's available but I can go no further, yet. What I don't understand is why she has waited this long but certainly she's holding onto something, someone.

Those Who Wait

I got word from the agency completing their accreditation in Russia that they are not looking into getting L's file because they didn't want to get ahead of themselves.  It would've been nice to tell me so I didn't wait for nothing.  Still once they have their approval from MOE they will then decide which regions they will cover and one region could be Kirov.  I can see that if anything happens with L it will take a long time. 

Lately I've been checking again on another L, Lilly.  She too may be in a region no one covers.  She too may be unreachable.  Is that why she's still waiting?  How can that be that a swett little girl with big blue eyes and a little soul that's begging for love is still at the orphanage?  Is she in the laying down room I wonder?  Does her caregiver pick her up and hold and tell he it will be okay?  Of course it's not okay that Lilly still waits for a family and surgery which her heart may still need.  Like Lyla she is a miracle too just to be alive.  She wasn't suppose to make it but she did.  She pulled through obviously for a reason.  She may be the last piece of a puzzle in a family who doesn't know yet she belongs with them.  I wish I could see her smile.  There are three pictures of her but none smiling.  She needs to and deserves to smile and laugh like any other five year old.  A little soul lost in the back room.  I hope Lilly's family finds her soon.  Her time has come.

And I'm not the only one praying for Lilly.  Sarah and Rachel are still praying for her;

Handiwork for Lilly      Handiwork on Facebook     To Save Lilly and Vanessa

I inquired about her last year and I inquired about her today.  I sent her photo to my hubby last year and again today.  Not sure if it's leading anywhere yet but we shall see where the Lord takes us.  By the way we're not done the home study yet but our social worker is having her annual Adoption Training Seminar so we're going to take in October.  Eventually it has to be taken anyway so might as well take it while we can with the same social work whom we like very much.

Wishing good thoughts for Lilly.

Coming Home

I'm so happy that little Lyla is coming home.  Her mommy is there right now ready to pick her up and take her out of the orphange forever.  In fact with the time difference she may be knocking on the orphange door right now waiting for her little girl to become a part of her family.  Lyla has come a long way.  As most of you know she was very sick and almost didn't make it but God was watching over her and she survived.  She made it because she was meant to be a part of a family.  They have been waiting for her.  I prayed for Lyla on my blog many times and at one point even considered adopting her myself but I was told that our government does not look lightly upon adopting a very sick child.  They will try to talk you out of it.  Not sure exactly what that meant.  Did they mean that she wasn't worth it?  Really?  Well, look at her now.  She's smiling and kissing her mommy.  I know she may have surgeries still in front of her but she has made it for a reason, a reason that makes her worth it.

On the other hand my little L is still waiting to come home.  Will she ever?  Only time will tell.  I've not heard back from the agency yet and I'm afraid to ask.  I'm afraid to find out that she is un-reachable.  Even worse I feel sick even thinking about her next birthday being spent in the "special school"; the internat; the institution or whatever else they may call it but it is a place where she will become just another lost little soul.  For this year at least, on her birthday in October she will be the little Princess she deserves to be.

 

 

 

 

Just a Standstill

At a standstill right now with L.  Found a new agency who is newly accredited in L's country but no word back.  They said this may take a while and to be patient but that is so hard to do when all you want to do is love this child.  Of course, first I have to get to her.  The homestudy is kind of on hold too until I hear if we can or cannot get L's file.  In October will be her 8th birthday.  I'm putting a little present together to send her.  I wish I could celebrate it with her but I can't.  Her orphange started to celebrate birthdays this year where a group of volunteers come in and bring donation cake and gifts for the child so hopefully she will get something to make her feel special on this day. Every child deserves their birthday remembered.  I wish I could see her face light up at the surprise.

Here is a couple of pix of my little grandson who of course had a grand birthday party for this first birthday and will have many more in his lifetime.  He's my adorable llittle treasure at 15 months.

                          OK I know I said a couple but just couldn't help myself; such cutness.

New hope

So we had the home study session with our other daughter who is on the border about adoption but more leaning towards no adoption.  I guess the older the kids are the more they think about themselves.  How is this going to effect them?  How will the new child fit into their schedule or lifestyle?  I'm sure some grown children are ok with it but I figure most are not.  Most would say there is no room for another child under this roof.  That is our daughter's concern too.  Where are we going to put the child since all three of our grown children are still at home, plus their cousin moved in, temporarily until she gets back up on her feet.  We made space for her so all the rooms are taken.  So, where shall we put another child?  Well, is sharing a room unheard of?  How quickly they forget that once upon a time they sharted a room with another sibling. Did they really forget about it already?  They shared a room and they survived sharing what they have.  It's what we taught them; to share so where is all this coming from?

In regards to the agency which we've not signed up with; we're still thinking over in regards to the extra twenty thousand they were asking for.  In the meantime our social worker just told us that two more agencies just got accredited in Russia; one not in the right region but the other, maybe.  The other is checking right now with their team in L's homeland to see if there is anything they can do about requesting L's file.  Wouldn't that be something?  If things suddenly all fell into place, the way they were always meant to be.  I think it's only a matter of time. 

I see that the Usynovite website has changed L's file photo to the one where she's wearing the red dress I sent her.  She looks beautiful of course. I know she's not mine but God willing she will be. I will do all I can to stop her from being "transferred" only because they have to watch her diet.
 

Orphanage in Croatia

On my lovely vacation in beautiful Croatia amongs stome things I did was pay a visit to an orphanage in the capital city of Zagreb.  The city itself is a diverse place filled with small shops, outdoor markets and filled with patio cafes. In a pretty and posh side of town is an old building that's been kept up rather nicely.  It's one of about four city orphanages situated on a piece of land surrounded by tall trees.  Inside the building , in the hallway a little girl seems to have got lose and is running around. No, wait, it's a little boy with a ponytail.  The six or seven year old boy's hair is unusually long. He looks like he's got a good tan or he maybe part gypsy. He looks our way, checks us out then runs off.  We are here to make a donation, a bagful of notebooks, coloring books, crayons, markers etc and a bit of monetary help.  We are taken into the director's office, her name is Jelena (pronounced Yelena). She's happy to see us.  She sits us down, offers us drinks.  She and her assistant tell us all about the orphanage, how many children, how many caregivers, three to a room of about six or seven children.  The building is over a hundred years old and has always been an orphanage and the money goes towards upkeep and the children.  As we're taken through the floors we notice how clean it is and well organized.  First we see the baby rooms.  As soon as we enter two little ones are crawling over to us, one little girl more so than the other.  I can't help but ask to pick her up. She's got dark hair and eyes and she's certainly not starving.  She's well fed and she smiles. I coo to her. In the crib next to us a little boy stops drinking his juice and stands up making eyes at us.  In the back of the room with three or four more cribs and the babies all between six months and a year look at us longinly. My heart breaks, I wish I could hold them all but I put the baby girl down and pick up the boy next to me and he smiles at me eagerly. Soon we're led to another room where smaller babies sleep in their cribs all around us, the room is clean and bright but each room has one caregiver not three.  I assume this means it's one caregiver per shift, so imagine six babies crying at once which one do you soothe first. The caregiver here holds a tiny premeture baby and is feeding her. She looks strong though and breathes on her own.

As we are led to the rest of the wings we see toddlers and five year olds.  Most children are healthy but there are a couple that are pointed out to us who have FAS, they are small for their age but they too smile at us and come up to the window.  The assistant closes the door and locks it so they don't escape on us she says. This is where the idea I had so far of a wonderful home for the orphans kind of comes to an end.  It is an orphanage after all.  These children although well cared for are stuck here, in this room most of the time.  They don't get to run around with the neighbourhood kids and ride their bikes or play in parks or go to a baseball game.  They are still orphans and no mama or papa tucks them in at night.  They still look at us with longing in their eyes and wonder if we are here to perhaps take them home.  This is where you get a lump in your throat as you walk away.

                                   This is the little girl I held.  She was a year on Augl 7th.

There were many toys on this huge balcony with wondeful views but the toys were so neat and tidy it made me wonder if anyone ever played with them at all.

                               This was an easter egg donated to them by an artist. I rather liked it.
That was the end of our visit and as we were leaving something else happened.  The little boy with the ponytail appared before me again.  I got to find out his name and more about him.  He left an impression on me with his deep dark eyes but I will save that for another post.

PKU

What is PKU ?

Phenylketonuria (fen-il-kee-to-NU-ree-a) or PKU is an inherited metabolic disorder that can cause abnormal mental and physical development if not detected promptly and treated appropriately with a special low protein diet.

Special chemicals called enzymes break down protein found in food we eat into amino acids. Other enzymes break down amino acids in our body but when there is not enough of this enzyme to break down the amino acid, phenylalanine or Phe, then it will collect at high levels in the blood.

Too much phenylalanine is toxic to the brain and other organs. Undetected and/or untreated, PKU results in severe mental retardation, hyperactivity and seizures.

Children with PKU may have lighter-colored hair, skin, and eyes. This is due to lower levels of melanin, the substance that gives color to hair and skin.

Treatment is a strict low protein diet which means avoiding eating meat, fish, poultry, eggs, milk and cheese and anything with aspartame.

Older children who have been diagnosed with PKU may need to check their phenylalanine levels more often and watch their diet more closely if they experience any of the following: Learning disabilities and Irritability
Hyperactivity and Tremors SOURCES:

http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/WSIHW000/9339/10335.html
http://www.pku.com/
http://www.pkunews.org/

　
This would mean if Leah's special diet is not followed in the institution it will mean a life of severe mental retardation and behavior problems for her. She would most likely not progress intellectually or not learn anything more than what she has learned now which would be a total shame. And just so you don't think Leah is just a figment of my imagination here is her photo from the federal database.

 

What Would You Do?

When we get back home, our loan should be ready for signing, twenty thousand. Money that should cover half or a little less of the whole adoption of Leah. However, as you know at the moment we cannot do anything to adopt her as she is in a region no agency covers. The agency we inquired with is willing to register in her region so that we could try to get Leah's file. Even if they were registered it still does not mean that they could request her file because PKU is not considered a special need. She does have mild mental delay and estigmatism which we could possibly go on but there is no guarantee that we could even ask for her file. Basically what we would need to do is lay down the twenty thousand for the agency to register in her region and then see if they could request her file.  This is twenty thousand before any other money for the actual adoption. 

What would you do?

Would you lay down this money before you knew what lay ahead, if anything at all?

If this is telling me I'm not suppose to adopt Leah then how will I forget her?  Can I forget her?

I know she is there and if she is not adopted she will go to the institution only because of mild mental delay.  She is a beautiful, beautiful and vibrant little girl who I am sure could achieve so much in a good family of her own. If I cannot do anything for her then next year she will be transferred. 

What am I suppose to do? What would you do?

The Ransom

I didn't really know in the beginning what the Ransom meant.  I've seen it in the adoption blogs but didn't really put the two and two together  but soon enough I did and I know now exactly what it means.  It's the sum of money that stands between you and your child. It's the sum of money that must be paid before you can take your child home, love and take care of them.  When someone decides to adopt it's not only for their own well-being, sometimes it's not for their own well being at all; it's for the well being of the child.  So, when that someone decides to give a child a home it should not cost them thousands of dollars to do so before they even see the child for yhe first time. I know, domestic adoption will not cost you a penny and our social worker asked us; why not domestic adoption? There are children who need homes in our own backyard. I realize that, the difference we felt was that children overseas suffer more, needlessly.  Here we will do a great deal to help a child's medical needs and we have great programs and interventions at our disposals whereas the children in the poorer countries do not. So, why not help a child there?  But it is the ransom that will stand in most of our ways. My little LB received her Princess PJs I sent her and I know she will wear her Princess PJs every time she goes to sleep but she will not have her momma tuck her in; she will not get her kiss good night and she will not hear her momma say she loves her until this ransom is paid.

Without Child

It's so hard being without child to commit to; that little light at the end of the long and dark tunell.  One tiny step closer to completing the home study came through this week, hubby's police clearance on his fingerprints.  This was a time I would find out who my husband truly is.  You know how sometimes the spouse could be a thief, a criminal or worse and hides it so well the other spouse has no clue however in case of my hubby as our daughter, the oldest said he's only guilty of loving me too much.  So sweet, the way she put that.  I know he does, for coming as far as he has in this with me.  In regards to adopting LB I asked an agency here if they would consider registering for a license in her region and they said they would but in order to do so it may cost another twenty thousand on top of usual fees of forty thousand plus.  Gosh, I don't know who has that kind of money, not us.  Why does it have to cost so much to help a child?  Still, there is an option, there is a way, a light at the end of the tunnell.

Home Study App #2

We did it.  We just had our second app. in home study.  We brought our oldest, Sherie with us to also be interviewed and she did very well.  We were not there but the social worker said we have a wonderful daughter and we should be proud and she's more than willing to step in to care for this child if something were to happen to us.  That is truly wonderful to hear that she would give of herself to look after this child even if to begin with adoption was not her idea.  So, the appointment went well.  We are going to continue the home study and social worker said she'd come to our home next time to speak to our other two children.  Of course I can't help but wonder how that will go but I know it must be done so let's hope for the best.  Waiting for my husband's fingerprint results to come in.

Donations

Okay, yes, I've put a Chipin for donation toward my adoption but do I have the right to expect donations when I don't have a child I'm commited to??  That is the question in my mind.  Would I help someone who was hoping to adopt?  You know, I just might simply because they've gone and opened their mind to adoption; to helping a child.  They've probably donated their own money already to others who hope to do the same thing.  Nothing in adoption is a sure thing, even commiting to a child does not guarantee you that you will go home with this child or any child but just to have hope to do what you can to help a child and actually take a leap of faith and doing everything you can to give a child a home is all we can do.  As mentioned before we need to have our home study done and approved before we can do anything else so that's what we're doing and it costs money.  The loan is still in the works but it will not near cover what is required.  So, for now realistically the Chipin is there for us and our immediate friends and family but if you feel like maybe you want to help this leap of faith we appreciate it. 

Note to Self

This is really just a note to myself to say that my wonderful hubby has kept  his fingerprinting appointment.  Really, I fully expected him to cancel at any time citing he's done enought to appese me or that he's got a headache or that he plain forgot but it didn't happen.  He attended and it appears they no longer ink your fingers to fingerprint you like they used to.  They are now scanned.  I didn't know they had moved past the ink that's been around forever.

Not only has he done that but he's got in touch with the social worker and set up another appointment so start our sessions.  We're going on vacation but I hope to get in a session or two before we go.  OMG.  He really did it.  Mind you he's not thrilled about it but he's tolerating it.  I really think that for now that's enough.  We will go with that and see what happens.

In the meantime little LB is still waiting.  She will stay at her baby house for another year just in case there is something we can do to adopt her but as it looks now, chances of that are slim.  No agency works in her region and I've tried to see if she could be transferred for medical reasons or  for testing but that doens't seem possible.  I think it would take some kind of miracle for that to happen.  All stars would have to be aligned, all montains be moved but miracles do happen and one could just be heading beautiful LB's way. 

Here is a recent photo of my pride and joy, my grandson Brandon who's just passed his first birfthday, learned to walk and gets himself all over the place.  Little munchkin, he's so cute.

Yes, Langley

I just checked on Langley and at last he is listed on my family found me page.  I'm so happy for him.  He will have parents and a family.  He will be loved.  I hope everything goes well for his family and they get to him as soon as possible.  Thanks to RR this little boy will not go to an institution where he would waste away to nothing.  Tears of joy.

As far as my own progress goes, where is it at now?  Nowhere.  Nothing more has happened.  Still working on the loan, on my family, on hubby, trying to make them understand what I'm feeling.  Trying to make them see the little faces.  That's the thing, they know the orphans are out there but without faces they're really just a word and they're just too busy with their own lives to think about what they can't see.  If they can't see it, perhaps it's not really there.

Good Thing

I thought it was a good thing, everyone was doing it and it seemed like it was working wonderfully. Sooner or later all children would find a family.  I had no idea it was not right.  Really, I didn't know.  Can't stop though because it is a good thing.  Look at how many children have been found by their families, hundreds, children who would normally be left forgoten or worse parished somewhere on the other side of the world without anyone giving a care.  So how can it be wrong is beyond me.  You would think they would be happy that others were willing to help and share in highlighting the plight of the orphan as much as possible.  They were finally real.  They had faces, stats and personalities.  They were reachable and we knew where to help.  It was and is a good thing and I will never say otherwise.  I have however taken off all the photos from my own website and so they will just remain names but we know who they are and will continue to think about them, pray for them, give them homes and our hearts.

Press My Luck

So, the meeting with the social worker took place tonight at her home. Nice neighbourhood.  It was a lot more intimate and cozy in a home atmosphere than an office.  At first, hubby, let's call him CV listened carefully and then it was time to bring him into the conversation.  It had to happen sooner or later, gulp.  She asked him about his long name and how he got it to break the ice, literally, breaking the ice.  Seriously, though he said his thoughts but not in his usual offhanded way.  There was more thought to it and he asked questions as well.  The social worker, let's call her DN, she offered a lot of knowledge and insight on different types of adoptions, foster parenting, hosting programs, domestic and International and  encouraged that we explore them all.  She let us both have our says and overall I think it was a success.  Although I already filled out an eight page home study application we did not yet sign up.  We only used this visit as a consultation but she said it could count toward a session if we were to sign up however I did not want to press my luck and let CV decide if he was goint to pay for consultation or a down payment of the program. I can see that DN did not think he was ready yet anyway so probably the best thing happened.  CV said how much do we owe you and DN said two hundred so that was that, the other three hundred remained in pocket.  Much to my dismay later, I did not argue.  He was here.  He listened.  He talked.  He considered and we went home with a hug and a kiss and smiling.  That was good enough for me.  So, I would say that was a success because the door is opening wider and wider each time. I love him so much for that.

DN suggested taking the training course first if that would help so we'll look into that though to CV it was suddenly like a brand new idea and he actually thought it was good and yet I've been going on about the course, the training, seminar for months.  "Oh, did you say that?"  "Yes, honey, many times."  I'll forgive him for that. 

The loan officer came back to us and guess what??  We're approved; loan approved that is.  He's going to gather up the papers and call us in to look over more details and for signing.  Although CV doesn't want to get into more debt he may be relieved to have some money readily available.  Sure, it's not near enough of what we would need but it's a start.  Gotta start somewhere, then I'll have to sharpen up my fundraising skills to fill in the rest.

Still hoping to be a mommy to LB, one who loves her very much but so far she is still sitting in the wrong region where she is unreachable and there doesn't seem to be a way to move her to one the agency could work with.  I've written many letters to anyone who would listen using my trusty Google translater but no one seems to want to try. It is so disheartening.

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Langley, too is not in the right region for me.  Why these regions anyway?  Why can't it all be one big region?  It would make things so much simpler.  Langley's fund is moving again othanks to Jen over at "Help me Save Langley" page.  He is so lucky to have her by his side to shine a light on him and give  him so much support.  Please, please help Langley with his fund so he can find his family.

Strange but True

Yes, very strange and very true; we're getting some things accomplished.  Medical reports for the agency, done, certified marriage license, here, police record applied for, appointment for my hubby's fingerprints, made.  Apparently, I don't have to do one.  Lady at counter ran some kind of test and males born in certain years are more likely to be sex offenders so they all have to get fingerprint tested, females do not, however hubby seemed to have no problem with that and made the appointment for June 27th.  First, I'm shocked the RHS hubby is even here much less making an appointment to get fingerprinted. We've applied for a loan and on Tuesday we're seeing a social worker and hopefully starting our home study. 

What does this mean?  Does it mean we're adopting?  Does this mean he has agreed or is he just letting me go through the motions and hoping I'll hit a snag somewhere? 

Truthfully, I've come to realize that he doesn't really need to actually say the words.  They're just words anyway but actions speak volumes and right now there is a lot of action.  What's even more strange is that we're more or lass starting the process but we're not commited to any child, that is, here in Canada we're not allowed to commit to a child until our home study is done and approved by the government. 

I would hope that we could commit to a certain little seven year old but one, as mentioned, we need to pass home study and two she is in the wrong region.  She is in a region that no agency covers here or in US and would need to be transferred.  I've been trying to work on that but it's proving next to impossible but not ready to give up yet. 

How this will turn out or who the right child will be for us, time will tell.

Moving slowly and Daria T

The medicals for the agency are done. Though I'm sure there may be more to fill out fo the home study.  Since this one was only one page with little to fill out I figure there's got to be more to it than that.  Ordered a certified marriage certificate which I should get in the next three weeks or so and am looking for some other things I can accomplish while the dust finally settles.  We do haven appointment with a bank who supposedly gives special adoption loans which is a little better on intrest rates when the loan is for the reason of adoption and it is more flexible as you don't have to take out the whole sum of the loan thus pay interest on entire sum but the money would be released slowly as you need it so saving on some interest.  Not bad idea.  So we are going this Thursday to find out more about it and how much we'd qualify for.  My wonderful hubby though still relluctant made the appointment for us.  He's just the greatest.
 
Also on Saturday morning what waits for me in my mailbox, two beautiful pictures of LB in the dresses I've sent her.  She's so fair skinned so that the vibrant hues in the dresses give off some colors to her cheeks. No doubt her skin has to be very protected when she goes outside into the sun.  She's smiling in the pictures so I hope that means that she is pleased.  The orphanage wall behind her is really a shelf unit of some sort with a collections of toys and thing that look rather nice, by her feet are two large stuffed toys and a beautiful Barbie house so it looks like she has grown up in as nice a place as can be.

And my beautiful little IK, he has been adopted and is now with his family.  The other day was just his first day at home with mom Camille.  I don't know who she is.  If anyone ever does hear of a Camille who's just adopted a little two year old boy with the deepest dark hair and eyes please let me know as I would love to say hello.

At the end here would like to bring attention to little Daria T born in 2007.  She has Down Syndrome and is listed in the "other" kids section of but she sure could sure use a page of her own.  She's so beautiful.  Mom and Dad please pay attention.  This could be your daughter.

The Appointment and Langley

Okay, we had the appointment today; adoption agency appointment that is.  First, my reluctant hubby not only showed up but picked me up at work and drove across town to the agency and sat patiently while I asked my questions.  I knew eventually the inevitable had to happen; we had to bring him into the conversation.  All day I agonized over it, cringed over it.  What was he going to say and how much of it?  Or would he come through for me?  So, let's just say the appointment was not a complete disaster.  At first we were talking to a female representative and then a male came in and my hsuband almost lit up.  Don't get me wrong hubby did not say that he wanted to adopt or that he thought about it all his life but he was willing to listen and most importantly talk about it.  He even asked some questions.  The door has opened, a crack.  When we left I was consumed with giddiness and was crying like a baby at the thought I might be able to help a helpless child after all.  Of course the finances are always a worry just like with everyone else but when the will is there hopefully the rest will come along.  If we all stood up for one child we would have no orphanages. Wouldn't that be a wonderful world??

Little Langley is still waiting for his mom and dad to find him.  His fund has stalled a bit so I put in a donation to get it moving again.  I hope it keeps going.  This little boy so deserves a fmily of his own. 

Waiting Wednesday: Pasha

It's Waiting Wednesday but I don't think that newly listed Pasha will wait for long. He just looks like he would be such a blessing to one family.  Just look at that beautiful little smile.  He does have Hepatitis C and will need to be well looked after once he is brought home.  He was born in January of 2012, so young, please consider in opening your heart to Pasha.  Bring  him home as soon as possible and shower him with love so he will never remember a time when he wasn't loved.

G.I.G.

God is good.  Little Justina has been found by her mom and dad.  She won't have to wait too much longer to be with her family in a place she's belonged to all along.  I think everyone's story has been written a long time ago.  There is a time and place for everything.  The only thing I don't understand is why.  Why do some children have to wait longer than others?  Why do some never get found?  Is it because they are better off where they are?  We know that sometimes the world can be a cruel place but still are they better off at the institution than with a family?  Perhaps that's true some of the times.  Could that be true for LB or IK?  No.  I don't believe it for a minute.  They're little butterflies just waiting to flee their cacoon, not be buried in the rubble.  I wish I was already in the process of bringing them home but as it is I have to keep waiting and be patient.  I wish there was a forum for the hopeful adoptive parent like me and Jane over at Flight Platform Living who want to give a home and love to one child who needs it so badly but obsticles stand in our way; there are mountains to be moved.  Mine just might be moving ever so gradually.  First, my wonderful, wonderful !!! reluctant hubby gave me his letter of employment which is one of the major things needed for a home study and dossier- HUGE - Get this; he had it done on March 29th but held onto it for over a month; wondering, debating, searching, agonizing (I can just see it, steam is practically leaving his head) for the right thing to do; to give it to me or not give it to me??  That was the question.  Well, I'm ticked a little bit that he held onto it this long but the important thing is that he did give it to me.  In fact that's all that matters.  He still says it means nothing.  It doesn't mean he agrees to adopt.  Who is he kidding?? He just took this huge step closer and of course it means something.  It's just that it's hard for him to actually say it... the words... that we will adopt, that we will be parents to a younger child again.  I can understand that but this story has already been written and my beautiful honey, it just needs to play out.  Why hasn't this happened to us earlier in life??? God only knows. It's all in his timing.

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So Happy for Keegan

That is fantastic that beautiful little Keegan has found a family.  I hope everything goes well for him and his mommy and daddy go get him real soon.  Sweet baby will be loved.  So happy.

Wanted

To say God works in mysterious ways is so true.  When I think about why this wish to open my home and heart to an orphaned child has come to me at this point in my life is sure a question only he can answer.  Even more surprising to me is that he thinks I am equipped for such a precious task.  Have I been the greatest mother that ever lived?  I hardly think so but I have raised three beautiful children who have lives, wonderfully different personalities and are thriving.  I wouldn't say we were rich but our children grew up with all that they needed and wanted but most importantly with lots of love. We wanted them in our lives.  We wanted to be their parents.  Maybe that is the key here.  Wanted.  This is what an orphaned child lacks most of all; being wanted by someone like their mom and dad. But we as parents need to want it too.  I want to help a child who would not otherwise have a future and give them all the love and support they need to suceed in life.  My husband, not so much.  He feels he has done his part by raising our children however slowly I do believe God has been working on his heart.  Hubby has asked more questions lately what an adoption entails.  How could we possibly do it?  We have good jobs but by no means do we have forty thousand sitting around waiting to be used.  I know, I say but we could do it little by little, one step at a time after all that is how we raised our children, one step at a time.  So, I've asked an adoption agency for an appointment so we can answer some of his questions and mine and we'll go from there.  I've mentioned LB who has PKU but it turns out that is not a special need in Russia and therefore we cannot request her file but if we give a very close description of her we just might get lucky and get her referral but first she has to be transferred to Moscow.  That will be an accomplishment as well. There is another child, a boy who is dear to my heart.  We've been sponsering him with a couple of medical issues but he is otherwise healthy.  I originally thought they were both special needs children and was wondering how come they were not listed on RR but as it turns out they are not special needs. Certainly, I didn't plan it that way so someone else must have.  True too, he knows what we can handle.  Little IK, turning two this month is already in the right region for us to be able to adopt.  Again, I'm sure God has a plan for both of these children and for us and we're so excited to find out what it is,  I am for sure.

Big Step

If any of you have been reading this blog you will know that my husband has what is "lovingly" referred to as RHS and it takes a lot of patience on both sides to hear each other out.  Of course it is a huge decision to adopt a child and even more so when you thought  you were done raising children and then something hits you (mostly women) that you're not done.  You still have more to give, perhaps even to a child that is not your own, one who has no family, no love, no future.  Once your eyes and your heart has been opened to the orphans of the world you can't go back, you can't forget but how do you share this feeling with your spouse who still has no idea.  Don't get me wrong, he's a loving father, a fantastic husband and a wonderful person but his eyes are still closed to the orphan situation; children without parents.  He's not completely stone cold, he feels a little bit, he'll say - give them money, give a thousand, give more but why do we have to adopt?? That is the question.  Well, because money is not everything, money is only the tip of the iceberg for this child who is orphaned.  They need more, so much more than money or material things, they need love, compassion, support, hugs and kisses, lots of them and I want to give that to one child doesn't have it.  We've been talking for months now and slowly, very slowly the RHS hubby has agreed for me to do all I can to find out about a certain child I'll call LB and see if she is available for International adoption.  There seems to be no agency who covers her region but she is special needs so there might be a chance.  So, how are we going to get to this child and yes my goodness, this is where the hubby comes in, what will it cost.  I know you can't put a price on a life but reality is I do have to think about it, there is no two ways about it, will we have the finances to bring her home.  So, I am looking into a lot of things at the moment, the agency, the orphanage, the finances and LB's sepcial need - PKU.  I must admit I've never heard of it before but now have some idea of what it is, low protein diet.  On the surface it seems not a big deal but there are many details involved such as protein counting, blood tests, special formula.  I've researched a lot on it already and know where to get the food, most of which are covered by our provincial health insurance, the formula, covered as well and blood tests.  I know where the PKU clinic is to send the tests to and get results from to make sure LB stays under the level that is right for her.  If anyone has a PKU child I'd love to hear from you as I'm sure I'll need some support with it.  So, this is my news, a small step but an importand one none the less.  Please, keep praying for me, thanks.  

Forget me not Friday: Keegan

What is this I hear, Keegan's orphanage is closing down. I wasn't aware orphanages can close down. Sometimes I hear they are getting renovated and that is nice when they are able to paint their house, bring in fresh supplies and update the kitchen and washrooms, some have it quite nice. So, what happens to all the kids that lived there. For some of them that was the only home they ever knew. Do they really get transfered to an institution already, even so young? What will become of little Keegen if no one steps up for him and makes a commitment to adopt him? I just have this idea that if he is transferred to the institution he will never learn anything ever again. His cute hair will be shaved and he will have bruises on his face and hands. Can't let that happen. I pray that by Sunday Keegan will be on My Family Found me Page.

What's happening

The last few days when I checked on T, her family page is no longer there. I wonder if her adoption went through or not. After her surgeries in Moscow she returned to her orphanage and I've heard nothing about her since then. I hope she is doing well and is getting ready for boarding school or internat as they call it; a place where children with various disabilities, severe and not so severe are lumped together and those who can learn will learn nothing. This is where most kids go when they turn seven. There is another little girl of same age that has warmed my heart. She is not on RR because she is an a region which no agency covers but there might be something that can be done to bring her to Moscow so she could be adopted from there.  As for my husband, it's still a work in progress but I still believe he will have a change of heart. I'm happy to see some little faces on the My Family Found me page like Zane, Natalie, Leo, Sam, Diane and the little sisters with HIV. They will have a family after all. I hope everything goes through for them. Some of them have been waiting a long time. Langley and Lilly still wait, as does Kaleigh, Sally, Amanda, Konner and Andrew. One of these days they too will be on My Family Found me page.

Justina

Amongst the many little faces on Reece's Rainbow certain faces sometimes stick out at you. There's no real reason why. They just stand out in some way. Maybe it's the look on their face or the stare out of their eyes or just something about them you can't put a finger on; like little Justina. She is just sitting there, waiting. She looks sideways in each of her photos as if she knows it's no use looking straight at you since she's sure no one is coming for her anyway. Well, that just can't be. There has to be a mama and papa out there somewhere for Justina. I'm sure they will find her any day now, commit to her and work very hard to take her home. Please, hurry as this little one needs you desperately.

The Lucky One

Here are a couple of new photos of my sweet grandson. Next month he will be a year old. He has grown so fast and so well. He has many people doting on him, waiting on him, playing with him, making sure he's changed and fed, helping him learn to sit up, stand up and take his first steps, answering his cries and giving him lots of cuddles, kisses and love -- all the things a child should have; every child should have but many do not. Some get left alone for hours on end without any interaction and some even for days; unfed, their diapers unchanged, their cries unanswered. Brandon is a lucky one but many kids are not and my heart goes out to them.

Sweet Aidan

I wanted to help Natalie over at My Ukrainian Mission of Love bring attention to little Aiden who spends his days sitting in a high chair because he is blind and there is no one to watch him. There is only so much he can do to keep himself entertained before boredom sets in and he takes to gnawing at his hands until they are raw. His mischievous little smile however hints that Aiden can do so much more than that. This boy should be playing in the sandbox, walking through the park, go to the Zoo and push on cars and trucks; everything any other little boy would do. What Aiden needs is a family to help him to grow and learn; lots of learning, to read, to sign, sing and play. I know you're out there and Aiden has waited long enough. It's time you go get your son and show him what life is really about.

Wow, Look at That

Little Evie is on the My Family Found Me page. 

That is amazing. And there is even a new photo of her and she is still so beautiful.  She's just a doll.  I'm so happy that this little girl will be saved.  She will have a family to call her own very soon and hopefully she will not spend one day in the institution.  Someone has stepped up and just in time.  I think all the people who step up are heroes.  It does take some courage to take on someone else's child and raise them as your own.  You don't know what you're facing with your bio children much else a child with someone else's genes.  Little Evie will go home.

Take a Good Look

This is Evie.  Please, take a good long look at this cute smiling face of a little girl named Evie.  If she is not adopted very soon she will be going to the institution where we already know what happens.  For those of you who still don't know.  Little Evie's hair will be shaved.  She will get ghastly thin.  She will have bruises on her pretty face and a horribly sad or indifferent look will take place of that precious smile.  She will become a child who is absolutely unrecognizable to this picture.  Not to mention she will probably forget anything she's ever learned and not learn anything ever again in her probably shortened life.  Isn't there a mama and daddy out there who could help Evie have a bright and smiley future where she will prosper and be all that she can be?

Tides

Things have shifted a little, the tide just may have turned, not sure how but I just feel they have in my favor and in favor of a seven year old orphaned girl.  Not much more I can say right now.  There is hardly even words to describe what I feel but I have to be patient which as I said is next to impossible.  I will have to find the calm inside me because I know the road ahead could sure be a long one.

Where am I at

... with RHS ???  Well, not much further than I was before.  Everyday I have new  hope only to be dashed once again.  When I read other people's blogs with the information of where they are at with their adoption I keep thinking; why can't that be me?  I want to help out.  I want to pluck one child and give it a chance at life that it deserves.  Among other suggestions regardin RHS (reluctant husband syndrome) I read about patience and don't nag.  Are you kidding?  Do you know how hard it is to be patient and not to nag?  All I want to do is nag, nag, nag even though in the back of my mind I know that most likely that's only pushing him further away.  Then I read Summer's blog on Lucky to Love Lyla.  I can just feel her excitement and happiness running through me.  She will give another child a family.  Reading it makes me both happy and miserable at the same time.  I want to be in her place but I can't.  I am where I am.  I just don't know what to do about it.  Do I accept and let it go or do I keep holding on, hoping and praying that he will change his mind??  What am I suppose to do when I can't forget these little faces, I can't turn away, I can't pretend anymore that they don't exist??

FMN Friday

ZANE

Just listed. What a sad little face. Someone grab him quick and bring him into your family. He could so use a mom and dad who would believe in him and tell him he can succeed at everything he tries out. He's a beautiful child and seems like he just needs a little push and a little love to make him blossom.

Lilianna Found, Again

I truly hope there is better luck and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for Lilianna with her new family committed to adopt her. The will is definitely there to help this child and I'm so glad for that.

Lilianna Waiting Again

It's not fair. It's just not fair that this beautiful little girl who needs a family not only to love her but to give her the medical help she so desperately needs is waiting again. I don't know what happened with the family who was trying to adopt her but I'm sure they tried very hard to get to her and it just didn't work out. Is this how life was meant to be for this little light, to spend the rest of her days in a crib, in the lying down room of an orphange?

Surely, not; it just doesn't make sense that this child is not to get a chance at a decent life, with a place and a family where she could learn to walk and talk, perhpas even go to school or simply just to be held, cuddled and loved. Lilianna deserves a chance to know there is more to life than just her crib and the walls of the lying down room. There is more out there Lilianna. There is a family waiting for you, I know there is.